Sunday, April 10, 2011

Anger or Hurt in the Workplace

Anger and hurt deter our personal growth. Letting go of our anger and hurt allow us to move on, so we can be more productive, and make a positive impact on others.

Forgiveness is not thinking about it, or pondering it. As a matter of fact, the more we contemplate forgiveness the harder it seems to actually do anything about it. When we shorten the distance between a wrong or perceived wrong and letting go of that wrong ~ we grow and heal faster.  It is the obsessing over what others have done that causes the most harm to our productivity, serenity and peace of mind. 

Has someone said something to you at work that is harmful, or hurt your feelings? As clich├ęd as it sounds, words are only words.  When someone hurts us by talking behind our backs, or confronting us angrily, they are just words.   These create uncomfortable thoughts, and that is the rub.

Remember, often when someone says something in anger, or that is hurtful it is because they are undergoing something we can't readily ascertain from appearances. When this occurs, we need to understand they are hurt. The first time or two, we might be tempted to use a sharp or defensive tone. But as we get better at forgiving we can notice the signs, and not react.

We cannot change people. They will be who they are, and it's not our place to change others. But we can change ourselves. Our ONLY responsibility is to see to it that we forgive, and let go, and understand they are hurt people, and hurt people rather than facing their own change, hurt others. Don't get locked into this cycle of dysfunctional behavior. We are better at recognizing ( and dwelling upon ) what others have done. We don't have any power to change them. But we can change ouresleves. We should focus on what we have the capacity to do.

Often all we have to do is remain silent
, and not react at all. Angry people often stop bullying when they realize we won't be bullied.

Take a deep breath. When confronted, step back, breathe and allow yourself a moment to think that they are probably undergoing something that we don't know about.

If we are resentful about past wrongs, we need to let go. As long was we carry the anger and hurt with us without discussing it, we'll remain locked in our pain. Resentment doesn't harm the person who harmed us, resentment harms us. Open up to someone in a non threatening, non angry way, and simply ask, “May I discuss a matter with you?” We should talk to someone other than the person who harmed us. Resentment, anger and hurt thrive on secrecy, isolation, and thoughts. We can be consumed of them. But when we open up, it is the first real evidence of our willingness to heal.

Open, honest discussion becomes less about proving the other person is an ogre. Over time, discussion becomes about how we can better react to wrongs or perceived wrongs, and what we can do to become better people.

And Pray about it. When we pray for those who've harmed us, and ask God to help us heal we are opening ourselves up to the possibility of change.

Make a forgiveness list of those who may have harmed us, and about those we may have harmed. This list should be our own, and kept private, but it might be the first real attempt we've ever made at unlocking our past, so we can move on to a better tomorrow.


Lonny Tweets at @ProNetworkBuild 
Lonny can be found on LinkedIn at

Lon Dunn writes on Evan Carmichael as a productivity and efficiency expert. He wrote and edited The Thesaurus News from 1995 to 2001 with a specialty in Telephony Infastructure Stocks. With over 20 years following the Mobile Industry, Lon helps Companies, Professionals and Organizations develop Mobile Marketing Strategies combined with Social Media Strategies to strategically target specific markets and demographics to rapidly increase revenues. His most recent book available on Amazon is “How to Use Twitter for Local Business” with Tips and Mobile Marketing Strategies that anyone can do themselves. You can download the free “Kindle App for PC to download the book to your Desktop available on the Kindle Site:

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